When we are children crying comes easy. When you hurt you cry when your parents reprimand you for something you did you cried
It is so easy for them!
I can remember the deep emotional grief I wound feel when I cried. My small chest would breath in the air so deep.
Sometimes my cries would go so deep that my breathing became erratic as my feelings just poured out of me like Niagra Falls.
Looking back at my youth I envy that person! I envy him only because he did not know how free he was.
He did not know what it is to live, struggle and deal with every fucking thing down the road.
Every problem just yelling at you, pushing you around, stealing from you your youth, your dreams and aspirations.
As time passes your youthful vision of the world becomes that dark, desperate and grimy thing we call adulthood.
The scars begin to show as we progress to our death.
We forget that crying is what will make you feel better. But then society tells you that men do not cry!
If we do not cry then how do we get to defuse our pain and anger of then world?
We yell? Why? No one will hear you!
Soon after a while you stop crying, then you forget to cry. You learn to carry that weight inside of you weighing you down.
You wonder what happened to that young child that you were? A child full of hope as you swallow a bunch of pills just to make it through the day.
Then one day you realized what happened!
You forgot how to cry!
I never thought it could happen! But in forgot how to cry.
I have held down my emotions for so long that I have forgotten how to release
Feeling pain while not saying anything.
I don’t feel anything at all. I haven’t cried in a long time. I have built a large fortress around myself that no one can penetrate.
So I act and pretend like I have emotions when in reality I feel nothing. Nothing that can conjure up a tear or a wail of sadness.
I just stood there like a rock not feeling anything
Are there other people out there like me? People who forgot how to cry?
Living life hiding their emotions much like I am. Who have hidden them for so long it feels alien to them?
I yearn to be free again much like I was when I was boy.
I remember when I was boy how badly I wanted to be a man. Now that I am a man I much would want to go back to being a child again.
Now I understand why Adults always said that.
I don’t know when I will finally let go and just cry! I’m hoping it’s a reflex much like riding a bicycle.
Once you learn you never forget.
I can no longer be the strong one all the time. Sometimes I’m going to drop the ball.
Such is life!
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