picture from Masculine Epic
About a week or so ago I wrote a comment on Libertas Blog which made me comment my personal journey through Hell and what I have learned. I forgot about that comment until today when I got a Disqus message from my Disqus app.
I went ahead and checked who it was since I tend to comment quite a bit on many blogs. I opened it and it was of course Libertas answering my comment and what he wrote put me on a different perspective as he told me that I went through my own Katabasis.
Katabasis?
I remember I said to myself and quickly opened my Google app and searched for Katabasis. What I found made sense to me as when you go through your own Katabasis you figuratively descend to the darkness of Hell to overcome whatever is keeping you from living your life the way you were destined to live.
I was an extremely shy young man and kept to myself quite a bit especially in school. I had a very low self esteem as well as confidence. At times I would think that I was invisible to everyone since I have not said a word nor no one would notice me. My shyness kept me from being heard or from taking advantages of opportunities because of fear of being the center of attention and or ridiculed! My shyness and fear was so bad that I would stutter quite a bit because of my nervousness. So it’s safe to say that my High School years were miserable!
I have to agree that we must have and meet people who bring value to your life or helps you get over an issue that has been plaguing you.
When in was younger I was an extremely shy young man. I was so quiet that at times it seemed as if I would disappear. My fear of putting myself in the middle literally scared the shit out of me. I knew I had to get out of this shell and so I decided to do something crazy and went ahead and joined the service at 18. Those 4 years I met many different people some who i still keep in contact today. Since I was a shy young man I began to hang out with extroverts. I watched them as they socialized with one another and how they used their body language when they spoke to women.
Slowly but surely I started to gain confidence and from then on until now I can speak my mind and carry myself like the man I perceive myself to be. The confidence has spreaded to other parts of my life including my career.
I have gotten so confident as well as helpful that opportunities have sprung up in the forms of better paying jobs in my field.
Life has changed for me for the better
Wow, can’t believe I hadn’t seen this. Excellent story, sounds like you voluntarily placed yourself into a state of katabasis (descent into hell or hardship) and emerged as a piece of forged steel.
That is the way of the Homeric hero!
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On my last year of High School while most students talked about college I already knew that going to college will hamper me rather than get out of this cell I was in. I had to do something drastic to push myself out of this Hell I was in. So instead of college I decided to serve my country like that I would be forced to get out of this Hell I was in. To kill the Dragon that stood in my way of living my life.
I went to the recruiter at 17 and decided to sign up. I was so scared i remember when I did this as this was something no normal 17 year old would do. It took all of my strength to push myself or to at least strike the Dragon his first blow while we fought down in the depths of my Hell. As he swiped his tail at me and hurled fire I kept swinging my sword at him striking as much as i could.
The night before I was to leave I did not sleep at all. I was so nervous about the uncertainty of what the future held for me. Thoughts of not going filled my thoughts that night the more I thought about it the more scared I became as I began to question myself if I made the right decision. The dragon was fighting a tough fight! No! I remember telling myself. I will overcome and face whatever issues or events that may pop up! I’m a man now and as a man I have to push forward to progress my life to where I want it to be.
The clock rang at 5:30 am and since I did not sleep I slowly got up and did my morning duties half asleep. The last time I will do this again as from this day on I will be leaving my normal, boring life to live a more exciting life but first i will have to go through Hell. My sword of confidence is sharp and ready to destroy my dragon. The car came to pick me up. I said good bye to my parents and as they cried I could see the look in my Fathers eyes of sadness as well as pride that his oldest boy is going forth into the world to go through my Katabasis. He knew that when i come back that I will never be the same.
There were other men as well who were going to through their own Katabasis. I quietly waved at them (parents) as the car pulled away. I was excited and nervous at the same time but it was silent but I could hear the other men in the car with me quietly cry. I guess the uncertainty was overwhelming as we all were kids who were going to kill their Dragons! Who will be going through their Katabasis and maybe kill their Dragon. I needed to get out of my cage and live and I felt during that time that joining the service would be able to get me to break out of my cage and become a man and live.
I went through boot camp and my first duty station. I was well on my way to kill my Dragon as I rode through Hell! In was getting closer! I began to watch the other more confident guys do their thing. How they interacted wit each other at work or during leisure. I watched them talk to women, something i was extremely afraid to do at that time. As I did and followed the way they did things I slowly felt as if I was slowly getting out of my cage. Getting off my horse with my sword out ready to battle! As my view of my life began to change I charged the Dragon called “Thou Shall” and began to fight it hard. As i slowly felt myself change as time went by I became less fearful and the lust of killing my Dragon filled my head. With every strike I could feel the Dragon become weaker. It was hot down there as I continued to fight sweat just came down but I kept fighting!
During those 4 years In Katabasis fighting my Dragon I was finally able to give the Dragon the death blow. I pushed my sword deep into its heart and i kept it there until the Dragon dropped dead! I was free!
During those 4 years in my Katabasis has changed me as as well as made me wake up from the sleep most people are in. I lived in the darkness until i killed that Dragon and now I’m going through Anabasis. It’s true when they say that when you decided to change your life it will happen! Your life will change! Since the my life from then until now has changed completely for the better. All because I went through my own Katabasis and killed the Dragon that was holding me back.
We all have our Dragons that we must seek and kill. This can only be done by you going through your own Katabasis and killing your Dragon. It’s the only way for you to become a better man! To go through Hell and find himself. Yes society will think that you are crazy as we live in a world where a person has to wear a fake smile so that others can feel safe. A stable man has to sometimes dwell in his darkness so that he can enjoy and appreciate the light.
When you realize that in this world a person needs to balance the light with the dark life will become better and you will no longer fear to move ahead. But you will also notice that everything that is going on around you is declining and you will begin to view the world with uncertainty that is a price we all must pay as free men. It is what happens when a man is no longer tied by chains but is now free. If you want to find yourself you too will need to descend to Hell and dwell in the darkness a bit before you can go into the light reborn into a man!
In the end I would like to say Thank you to Libertas because for a long time I did not know what i went through and what it was called. This is why talking to like minded people helps you discover something new in your life! Which is why I feel that networking with one another is important. Also check out his blog as well as he has great articles that make you think! Sent from my iPhone
The post What I Learned When Passing Through Hell Katabasis appeared first on Helping Men Find Themselves.